Best Night Yet

Two hours at the Regina Casino tonight ($1/$2 no-limit), saw maybe a total of 10 flops in those two hours - walked away with huge profits - thanks to some good cards and some very fishy calls by opponents. Three hands:

1. Mid position; pocket 9's. Three callers before me, I raise it to $8. One caller after me and BB (who had just sat down with a $200 stack, so this was his first hand) raises to $18. Two of the previous limpers call. I watched the BB when he raised and had a very funny feeling he was on KK or AA. But, with me being already at half price and three people already in (and one more to act behind me), I thought I needed to call at that point and hope to hit my set. Guy behind me calls - 5 in for $18 Sure enough, flop comes 942 - two clubs. I'm a bit worried about the clubs and want to push the flush draws away. First two players check, and I bet $75 - almost the size of the pot. Guy behind me folds. BB tanks (he's trying to think if I've got AA; I'm sure he doesn't see my set)...and was ready to fold his hand but then came over the top for the remainder of his stack - all-in. The other two callers fold - and I instantly call (duh!). Sure enough, he flips over KK and as he did he said, "Nice rockets" - when I flipped over my set. Pot of around $460.

2. Same guy in the BB from the hand before bought in for another $200. He's talking it up big now, saying how it was a bad beat on the previous hand where I got him. This is now about 20 hands later - and he's chirping. I'm in the SB now, he's mid position. I hold KQ offsuit He raises to $6, three other callers before me, BB calls after. Flop of K7K rainbow. I check, guy behind me bets $21, chirping guy calls, three others fold, and I raise to $50. BB folds quickly and chirping dude tanks again. I figured him to be on tilt so thought the check-raise would tick him off enough that he'd come over the top. Sure enough, he blurts out, "Quit bullying me! My 7 is good! I'm all-in!" So, again, instant call - and take down another $450 pot.

3. I'm in the SB, Q6 diamonds. The entire table calls so of course I call for $1. Flop - Kd, 8d, 9c. I check. Chirpy dude bets out $5. Now, remember, the pot is already at $18. His bet makes it $23 and there are 4 more callers. I am so priced into this flush draw that I can't fold even if I wanted to. Turn is 4 spades. I check. Chirpy bet's $7 and I'm thrilled. I'm am totally priced in - especially when all 4 other guys call too. River - you guessed it - 2d. Board is Kd 8d 9c 4s 2d I flushed. So, I check. Chirpy bets $75, two guys call and I decide that since I'm not holding the absolute nuts to just flat call. Chirpy turns over A8 - with no diamond. The other callers didn't flush either. Another $375 pot my way.

I decided that enough was enough, stacked my chips and walked away. One always should play the other players and not one's cards, but boy, does it ever help to get the cards too.

I had the privilege yesterday of attending some afternoon meetings where a preeminent educator from Bath, England (who shall remain nameless) was presenting. I had the even better fortune of sitting down for a pint of Guinness with him after the events and we talked about life, education, and spiritual matters. A fascinating discussion.

At one point in the discussion, he mentioned that he went to school with one, now famous, Richard Dawkins. So, I asked, "And what is your perspective on his work?" And, without skipping a beat, he quickly snapped back, "Ah, yes, the 'Dawkins Delusion'." The discussion turned at that point, but not before he mentioned that Dawkins has always been quite proficient at running himself into deep traps from which there is no escape - and quickly called him one of the most fundamentalist thinkers he's met in quite some time (while judging everyone else's fundamentalism).

Thot you'd appreciate that insight, Gil - not that it is surprising or different from anything you've posted or commented on before.

Best Read of the Summer

Yes, I'm aware it is no longer officially summer, but it was warm enough this afternoon to sit on my deck and read - so I'm still counting it that way. In that light, let me share with you a quote from the best read I've had in a while - from "A Brief History of Everything" by Ken Wilber. I'd encourage anyone to pick up this book. A fascinating philosophical approach to a unified theory of the Kosmos (spelling correct). Anyway, here is a very provocative quote from p38:

(Speaking of the fact that self transcendence and creativity is woven into the very fabric of the universe), Religious creationists have seized upon the increasingly obvious truth that the traditional scientific explanation does not work very well. Creativity, not chance builds a Kosmos. But it does not follow that you can then equate creativity with your favorite and particular God. It does not follow that into this void you can postulate a God with all the specific characteristics that make you happy - God is a the God of only the Jews, or only the Hindus, or only the indigenous peoples, and God is watching over me, and is kind, and just, and merciful, and so on. We have to be very careful about these types of limited and anthropomorphic characteristics, which is one of the reasons I prefer "Emptiness" as a term for Spirit, because it means unbounded or unqualifiable.

But the fundamentalists, the "creationists", seize upon these vacancies in the scientific hotel to pack the conference with their delegates. The see the opening - creativity is an absolute - and they equate that absolute with their mythic god, and they stuff this god with all the characteristics that promote their own egoic inclinations, starting with the fact that if you don't believe in this particular god, you fry in hell forever, which is not exactly a generous view of Spirit. So it is a good idea to start simply, I think, and be very careful. There is a spiritual opening in the Kosmos. Let us be careful how we fill it.

A tale of two hands

Yes, Paul, I am alive - yet my lack of posting in recent months may have led to suspicions otherwise. In order to prove that it really is me posting and not some alien who has invaded my body, let me relate the following tale:

Last night, after a couple weeks of really tough losses at the tables (and a waning confidence in my ability to even understand Texas Hold'Em), I gathered my courage and headed for Dakota Dunes Casino. I sat at the 5/10 limit table - and decided to play just simple, solid style - no fancy plays. Well, the return to the fundamentals was indeed helpful for me. That, and the table was very loose and passive, allowing me to chase cards when I needed to and get callers for value when I hit. Two hands are salient:

1. I'm in position 4, and catch QQ. I hadn't played a pot in nearly an hour so, when I raised, everyone folded, except the two blinds. Pot = $27 ($3 rake). Flop comes 952 rainbow. Check, check and I bet $5. I get two callers. Pot = $41. I'm pretty sure I'm good here. The only thing that would worry me (I believe) is an overcard. Perhaps someone was sitting on A9 suited or something silly like that. Both opponents were quite conservative last night. The fellow in the big blind (I have played him before) however, is known to make some creative plays from time to time. And, he was having a really tough night, down nearly $300 by this time. So, I'm beginning to think that he might be tilting just slightly. So, it's possible he's playing 92 offsuit and blowing some steam. The turn card? J - and now all four suits show on the board - no flush possible - and straights are unlikely. I think I'm still good. Check, Check and I bet $10. Small blind folds and the tilting big blind raises! Now I'm a tad worried. I tank for a while and think. Was he playing J9? Not a bad hand to play from the BB for one bet. I call. Pot = $81. River comes 3. BB leads out with a $10 bet. I tank again. It's either two pair - or else he's bluffing and his strategy from the start of the hand was, no matter what comes, represent two pair on the turn. I raise $10. BB re-raises me! I'm nervous, but I trust my read - and simply call. Pot = $141. We open our cards and he shows 85 - a measly pair of 5's. When I flop over my QQ, I'm surprised to see his reaction of anger - he knew he was bluffing. What did he think I was betting, calling and raising with? I hadn't played a hand in an hour! Oh well, a nice profit on that hand - shows the value of patience in a cash game.

2. I have A9 suited in mid position. About half the table, myself included, call. Flop comes JJ6 rainbow. Everyone checks around. I'm pretty sure that no one has a J. Any 9 or A and I'm good. In fact, I may already be leading. The turn comes 9. Now I'm feeling pretty good. SB bets $10, BB calls, I call, everyone else folds. The river comes 6 and, as I watch the BB see that 6 fall, I get this funny intuitive sense that something bad is about to happen. I still can't tell you what I saw or sensed, just that something was wrong. I was prepared to bet, raise and re-raise that pot, until I noticed his reaction. SB checks, BB bets $10 and I consider my options for a while. A board of JJ696. No one has a J and I am 99.9% sure of that. I have the 9 with top kicker. There is no flush available. No straight. Why did BB bet the turn? Only makes sense if either a) he also has a 9, like Q9 or K9 or 89 or b) he has a 6 and seeing everyone else's weakness on the flop thot maybe his 6 was good. Well, if he has the 6, he's really good now. And, it was an un-raised BB pre-flop. I fold. SB folds. And, BB decides to open his hand and shows off 96. A hand that only cost me $15, instead of $45. A good confirmation about the value of folding when your read tells you to.

I hope these tales quell the rumours of my abduction and disappearance.

Pardon Me?

Heard on the radio regarding Roger Clemens' pending return to the Yankees rotation: "Clemens was scheduled to start the game tonight but due to scar tissue in his right groin he scratched himself."

Freedom and Discipline

Having emerged from perhaps the most stressful 2 month period I can ever remember, I have been challenged anew regarding the value of discipline. Those who know me well, realize that I have been moving more towards the value of freedom in my life - not being tied down by feelings of guilt, fear, or expectations of others. This has been a very good direction for me in life - yet I am finding a down side to it - namely, when I have time and space to allow my mind and heart the freedom to reflect and meditate, I feel centered and at peace. However, when life becomes stressful, when there are demands on my time and mental/emotional space, my mind is not free to wander in those areas which bring freedom and a sense of grounding in god.

I was telling a very good friend of mine the other day that I was really looking forward to July where I would have that time, space, and freedom from demands so that I could return to focusing on my inner life. As the conversation ensued, this confidante of mine challenged me to learn what it is about July that I value so much and take steps to include those values on a moment by moment basis. And, I realized that the only way to do that is by making deliberate choices through self-discipline. Oh, how I hate that.

So, I feel like I am coming full circle. We may all remember hearing in our younger years the value of spending 30 minutes in "devotions" every day. I certainly remember trying that for some time as a magic bullet - a panacea for all of life's troubles. It didn't work - and became a life of legalism. I suspect that many churchgoers struggle with this too. So, I abandoned that approach. Now, I have come to realize what intentions lie behind that daily approach. For myself, I know that I need time regularly to focus on nothing but my breath - the spirit of life in me. I need and desire to find that small voice that whispers in the midst of a cacophony of external demands. And, the challenge remains twofold for me: 1) to actually discipline myself, and 2) to do so while retaining a life of freedom.

Final Thoughts and First Thoughts

I completed reading "Iron John" by Robert Bly this morning and began a new book on male spirituality entitled "From Wild Man to Wise Man" by Richard Rohr. Here are some final quotes from the first book and an opening thot from my new read:

"The Wild Man encourages and amounts to a trust in what is below...a trust in the lower half of our bodies, our genitals, our legs and ankles, our inadequacies...the earth itself...the stubborn richness to which we descend. This attention encourages us to follow our own desires, which we know are not restricted to sexual desire, but include desires for the infinite, for the Woman at the Edge of the World, for the Firebird, for the treasure at the bottom of the sea, desires entirely superfluous. (A man's) wants are to be trusted, that even when their gratification seems furthest off, the uneasiness they occasion is still the best guide of his life, and will lead him to issues entirely beyond his present powers of reckoning. Prune down his extravagances, sober him, and you undo him." (Bly, 225)

There is something in this passage that strikes a chord so deep and low that it seems to resonate in my chest. I can hear the objections, however...objections of hedonism and anarchy that this would create. Yet there is a richness here that may address what has certainly been a downfall of Western spirituality - i.e. attempting to control one's spirituality through morality and proper behavior and by denying one's will and desires. I'll leave it at that for now...

I began the second book by Rohr very shortly after finishing Bly and it began with these gems:

"In my experience there is an almost complete correlation between the degree of emphasis one puts on obligations, moralities, ritual performance and one's lack of any real inner experience." (Rohr, 1)

"Now, believe it or not, we are threatened by such a free God because it takes away all of our ability to control or engineer the process. It leaves us powerless, and changes the language from any language of performance or achievement to that of surrender, trust and vulnerability. This is not the preferred language of men! It makes God free and us not. That is the so-called 'wildness' of God. We cannot control God by any means whatsoever, not even by our good behavior, which tends to be our first and natural instinct...To us it feels like wildness - precisely because we cannot control it, manipulate it, direct it, earn it or even lose it." (Rohr, 2, emphasis his)

"The full male journey is a risky journey where you can only trust God and not your own worthiness or rightness. It is a journey into the outer world, into the world of risk, uncertainty and almost certain failure." (Rohr, 3)

Interesting language which also resonates within me and brings out feelings of being at home - this makes sense out of much of my experience. Perhaps what Bly speaks of in terms of trusting the lower half of our bodies (which are wild and lead us in many and various ways) is similar to what Rohr describes as the "wildness" of God.

This probably isn't the proper thing to say, but men have been accused of thinking with the wrong part of their body for so long that I wonder if we now bear a tremendous amount of guilt for what are incredibly natural (and I would suggest inherently spiritual) impulses and desires. Perhaps it is time to celebrate the "wildness" of God, trust the leading of the spirit, and obligatory "proper" behavior be damned.