Freedom and Discipline

Having emerged from perhaps the most stressful 2 month period I can ever remember, I have been challenged anew regarding the value of discipline. Those who know me well, realize that I have been moving more towards the value of freedom in my life - not being tied down by feelings of guilt, fear, or expectations of others. This has been a very good direction for me in life - yet I am finding a down side to it - namely, when I have time and space to allow my mind and heart the freedom to reflect and meditate, I feel centered and at peace. However, when life becomes stressful, when there are demands on my time and mental/emotional space, my mind is not free to wander in those areas which bring freedom and a sense of grounding in god.

I was telling a very good friend of mine the other day that I was really looking forward to July where I would have that time, space, and freedom from demands so that I could return to focusing on my inner life. As the conversation ensued, this confidante of mine challenged me to learn what it is about July that I value so much and take steps to include those values on a moment by moment basis. And, I realized that the only way to do that is by making deliberate choices through self-discipline. Oh, how I hate that.

So, I feel like I am coming full circle. We may all remember hearing in our younger years the value of spending 30 minutes in "devotions" every day. I certainly remember trying that for some time as a magic bullet - a panacea for all of life's troubles. It didn't work - and became a life of legalism. I suspect that many churchgoers struggle with this too. So, I abandoned that approach. Now, I have come to realize what intentions lie behind that daily approach. For myself, I know that I need time regularly to focus on nothing but my breath - the spirit of life in me. I need and desire to find that small voice that whispers in the midst of a cacophony of external demands. And, the challenge remains twofold for me: 1) to actually discipline myself, and 2) to do so while retaining a life of freedom.